How to Survive An Affair Now-Sales
"I Wanted To Strangle My Husband Ray When I Caught Him Red-Handed In An
Affair"
"I Felt So Devastated, Enraged and Humiliated. I Never Dreamed I Could
Save My Marriage, Let Alone Trust Him Again..."
Wednesday, 11:13 a.m.
Dr. Frank Gunzburg
Dear Friend,
Almost everyone was watching Grandpa open his gifts except the few who saw Ray
and Kathy out of the corners of their eyes.
Those who witnessed it were shocked and amazed. Those who heard about it were
relieved. Even Kathy's daughter, hidden in the corner of the room, saw it and
wrestled back her tears of joy.
As Ray sat alienated in the back, he felt a hand slip softly into his. Looking
down, he recognized the fingers he'd known for years laced lovingly through his
hand. He glanced up slowly to see Kathy's reassuring face as she gave him a
smile.
...And That's When I Knew Ray And Kathy
Were Turning The Corner.
No longer was Ray cold and defensive, backed into his corner of isolation. No
longer was Kathy feeling emotionally shipwrecked, paralyzed with humiliating
images of Ray in the arms of the other woman.
...tormented by her unanswered questions.
....devastated after having her complete self-worth sabotaged.
After only a few weeks, something major was starting to change. Suddenly,
talking about the details didn't feel like taking a walk in a minefield.
Kathy's emotions were finally starting to be under her control and no longer
holding her hostage.
Ray began to open up and communicate with sincerity and humility. He gently
allowed her to express the trauma she experienced without arguing or throwing
it back in her face (more on Ray and Kathy's story in a second).
At this point, I realized that the consistent methods I have been using for 30
years would work for almost anyone (if at least one of them is willing
to start before it is too late).
You see, I'm not going to lie to you.
Restoring Trust After The Affair Might Sound
Like An Empty Promise Or Too Good To Be True, But It Is Possible.
Not only have I seen it, but I have helped people take control by
equipping them with a 3-phase system that can restore their relationship
with more honesty, safety, and intimacy than before the affair (even if their
spouse isn't yet willing).
My name is Dr. Frank Gunzburg. For 15 of my 59 years, I have lived in Baltimore,
Maryland with my wife Sandy, our five children, and our six grandchildren.
For the most part, I'd say it's been a quiet life, except for one thing.
Over the last 30 years, I have fought in the trenches alongside couples who are
desperate to save their marriages after affairs. Some come to me hopeful, some
come cold and battle-hardened, and others come alone, uncertain, and praying
that I can breath life back into their near-dead relationship.
After three decades of specializing in marriage counseling, I've seen many
people give up. I've seen many relationships where the couples put off healing
too long and eventually cause irreparable damage.
More importantly, I've seen the majority of my couples overcome what they
imagined to be unbeatable odds by restoring their relationship and making it
better than before the affair.
Sound hard to believe? Perhaps, but all I ask is that you refrain from
disbelieving until I show you proof.
Imagine this... what if I told you that the magic bullet for rebuilding
your relationship included one or more of the following ten actions:
Talking.
Asking for forgiveness.
Reading self-help books.
Praying.
Sending letters, cards, and flowers.
Being more attentive.
Going to counseling.
Setting boundaries.
Discussing the details and answering all questions.
Meeting each other's needs.
You might say I'm right, or you might say you've tried these and many more
things and they simply don't work.
In April 2004, right before I finished outlining my affair-healing system, I
performed an extensive survey of 300 willing couples who all had one thing in
common - a relationship ripped apart by an affair.
In addition to 30 extensive questions, I asked them to list the top 10 things
they tried in an attempt to heal their relationship. The list above is the
result of this study (with talking leading the pack at 58%).
However, despite all that hard work (including counseling), only 55% were
willing to continue the relationship. (Of those who were willing to continue,
71% stayed because of the children.)
Like Kathy, many were ready to call it quits. So, what was the problem?
Successfully repairing your relationship is not about doing a lot of hard
work; it's a system. This system is about doing the right things, BUT
more importantly, doing them in the right order.
You see, all of the things listed above can be good, but most of the time they
are performed in the wrong order.
Let me explain with an example.
Talking About The Details Of The Affair Can Be The Difference Between Staying
Together And Splitting Up.
Fact: Of 1083 married couples surveyed, out of the
group who discussed the affair in great detail, 86% remained married. Out of
the group who discussed the affair very little, only 55% remained married.
A survey performed in 2002 by Peggy Vaughan
and the BAN network - www.dearpeggy.com
When you choose to talk about the details is more important than if
you talk about the details.
Here's why: when your spouse drops the bomb of their affair, it is one of the
most shocking and devastating experiences you can go through. The mental and
physical pain can be too much to bear.
With Kathy, the shock of the news left her emotionally paralyzed.
"After many weeks of lying numb in bed, I tried to get my life
back together, but this horrible combination of emotions kept coming up. At
first I just felt rage: a kind of anger I have never felt before and pray to
God I never feel again.
"Slowly the rage turned into hatred. I wanted to kill him. I
mean I really wanted to kill him. I scared myself with the images that ran
through my head. I can't tell you how many times I thought about going into the
kitchen and getting the butcher knife. It scares me to talk about it even now.
I had no idea I was capable of such feelings of violence.
"Eventually I realized these emotions were masking what I really
felt deep down inside: betrayed, humiliated, and defeated. What's more, I felt
very, very sad. I felt like someone had died, and in a sense, someone had. At
the time, I felt like the life I had worked so hard for was dead. I was the one
who had died. My rage and hate were like a shield against these softer
emotions. My heart hurt so much I didn't even want to feel. The heart can
really break you know. Mine has. I've felt it."
- Kathy Brown
Because of the intense pain you're going through, talking about the details at
this stage in the game most likely will only confirm the negative feelings you
already have about yourself. This will do nothing to help you cope.
In addition, most couples experience a regression in their relationship after
they discuss the details. However, if both of you are emotionally prepared, you
will quickly recover, thus making the experience healthy.
This is why I show you how to talk about the details after I've empowered
you to take control over your emotions in the first phase of my 3-phase healing
system
Three Specific Phases For Restoring
The Trust Back Into Your Relationship.
Many say time can be a great healer; however, when left without a map,
most people usually get lost and drift further apart.
As much as time has the ability to heal, it can also have a negative impact.
Letting your emotions run wild and doing the wrong things over and over can
eventually disable you and kill your chances at surviving the affair.
For months, Kathy bought Ray gifts, tried being nice, hid her anger, convinced
him to set boundaries, and even encouraged him to talk through the details.
Despite her hard work, every time they would try to talk they would tailspin out
of control. When they sat down to work things out, emotions would ignite and
they would either engage in a ruthless argument or simply shut each other out.
For example, Kathy would try to force Ray to share the details, but every time
he would she would burst into tears and eventually start yelling. (Every time
they sat down to talk, Ray became more and more reserved because he feared
going through the same emotional roller coaster - he simply shut her out.)
Also, Ray was trying to move on in the relationship before understanding what
drove him to have an affair in the first place. (Telling Kathy that she needed
to "get over it" was like trying to hammer a bent nail into the wall- it would
never work.)
Kathy bought all the main-stream marriage books, watched the talk shows, and
even bought a few marriage videos. She tried almost everything they suggested,
but still felt disconnected, hopeless, and frustrated. Once she stumbled onto
my information, she was almost without hope.
After listening to her for 20 minutes, I told her the following three things
with which she and Ray needed help:
Kathy needed help taking control of her turbulent emotions, fighting off
negative thoughts and restoring her self-worth so she could functionally
communicate her pain to Ray. (Without believing the lie that it was her fault
and drowning in a pool of self-hatred.)
Ray needed help uncovering the reasons why he had the affair and
understanding the pain Kathy was going through so he could give her an
opportunity to heal and forgive him. (Knowing this information would prevent it
from happening again.)
Ray and Kathy needed help working together through the 10 dimensions of
their relationship to slowly, but permanently, rebuild the trust in
order to affair-proof their marriage.
I explain the solution as three separate issues because that's the way I look at
the relationship after an affair (the injured, the person who cheated, and the
relationship). Both the injured and the cheater need to sort out specific
issues before they can begin to work on the "relationship."
Because of the trauma and alienation that an affair brings, it is unrealistic to
assume a couple can work together right away. First, they need to work alone
and sort through all of the emotional weights (Phase I). Once they are ready,
they will start working together (Phase II).
Working through the emotional turmoil first is crucial because it helps the
couple avoid starting World War III and making matters worse.
"...your book describes exactly what should be done."
"I think you hit the nail on the head when you said to sort
through your emotions instead of asking questions about the affair. I think
people don't know what to do when they are so numb from finding out, but your
book describes exactly what should be done."
Kristin Slagle
Milner, GA
This is why my system is unique; many other programs require couples to start
together right out of the gate. I help you start healing your marriage even if
your spouse isn't willing yet.
What You Can Do To Save Your Relationship.
To repair your relationship you need to follow a sequence. I call it a sequence
because healing your relationship is about building on success after success.
As a matter of fact, that is how I came up with my system.
After spending years watching couples go back and forth, I started to see
patterns (certain methods that worked to bring a couple closer together).
Over time, I started writing down what worked, and I continued testing these
patterns until they became rules.
This is what makes my information different than many of the infidelity books on
the market. While there are many good books that offer great information for
understanding how you feel, they do not carefully organize that information
into phases that help you, your partner, and then both of you work things out.
They simply expect you to figure it out with trial and error. That's why books
don't heal marriages. But systems do.
"...you give a true road map and plan on how to deal with
this situation."
"I have looked at a lot of books in the bookstores, but I find
that they are too theoretical. You get right to the meat of the whole
thing...you don't have to read a bunch of preliminary stuff. When you are in
this situation, you want to get right to the point and you have. Well done! I
think you give a true road map and plan on how to deal with this situation. I
think most people, after they get over the shock,still want to save their
marriage, but they need to know how to go about it."
Wayne Hansen
Vancouver, BC, Canada
That is why I spent that last 18 months organizing all of my methods and
documenting them into a step-by-step system that you can use to restore
yourself and then rebuild your relationship.
It's called.
How to Survive an Affair: A Step-by-Step System for Saving Your Relationship
after It's Been Shattered by an Affair.
Here's what you need to do.
In order to repair the trust, you will work through three phases. Each phase
corresponds directly to a specific part of the healing process.
There is no time limit; you can move at the pace that serves you, no matter
where you are (months or years into the healing process). I've had several
people come to me after years of knowing about the affair and start at the
beginning. (They received benefits they never imagined.)
"...we're talking and laughing."
"I am able to converse with my partner in a more positive
respectful manner. I am able to laugh. I am being myself; we're talking and
laughing; simple things are pleasurable again. On Sunday, we actually had
dinner in the park and spent three hours just sitting and chatting away. This
could NEVER happen as recently as two weeks ago. By just following the steps
you have mentioned, I have regained some control of 'our' life without even
demanding it. I know I've got a lot of work and a long and perhaps difficult
road ahead, but I know that if I keep practicing, I'll make it."
Nicole A.
Brooklyn, NY
Phase I: Individual Healing - Understanding Personal Feelings and Sorting
through Emotions
Phase I is all about you (both the injured and the cheater).
After the affair, your first instinct might be to look for reasons why the
affair happened. You want to know the details of the affairs. You want to know
why your loved one did what they did. You want to know if you will ever be able
to trust your partner again.
This is what I call "externalizing." Externalizing means you are looking outside
of yourself for answers to emotional issues that are happening within you. You
might do this because you believe that finding the "reason" will help you heal.
This isn't the best path to take. What you need to do is try to come to terms
with your own emotions (and that is the first step I lead you through).
It is only after this is achieved that you can engage with your partner without
doing additional harm to your relationship.
How To Manage Your Emotions When
You've Been Injured By An Affair.
If you just found out about the affair within the last few months, your mind is
spinning and flooded with intense emotions.
The first thing I will do is empower you with the mental techniques to take
control of the emotions that are fighting to take control of you. You'll learn
how to manage the following emotions:
Jealousy
Uncertainty
Shame
Loss of hope
Betrayal
Guilt
Disappointment
Anger
Vengefulness
Fear
Frustration
Paranoia
And many more
I've never met anyone who hasn't experienced these emotions after an affair.
Once you feel them, you can either stuff them down or learn how to process
them. Left alone, they will only make you calloused.
This is why, on Page 38 of Section 1, I take you by the hand and teach you how
to process the Eight Heart-Wrenching Emotions. By the time you're
through, you will learn how to get these overwhelming emotions under control.
"...this was the first 'tool' that prompted me to deal
with my emotions."
"The Eight Heart-Wrenching Emotions section had the biggest
impact on me. Although I consider myself someone who likes to journal, this was
the first 'tool' that prompted me to deal with my emotions on paper. I was able
to discover a lot about myself and more about my husband through this process."
Holly Houtman
Prairieville, LA
In addition, over the course of my 30-year career, I have categorized the most
common trials and questions you will have at this time.
I'll help you resolve the Nine Shockwaves: The Nine Most Common Questions
You Will Struggle with When You First Find Out ...
I'll help you hurdle over The Four Roadblocks to Healing: Four Monstrous Emotions
that Need to Be Faced and Dealt with As Soon As They Appear.
"You really seem to understand how painful it is."
"The nine shockwaves you wrote about are exactly the way I
feel. I am experiencing the four roadblocks to healing. It really helped me to
see in writing that I am not going crazy or feeling things I am not supposed to
feel. You really seem to understand how painful it is."
Georgette Blemker
Fort Wayne, IN
Discovering how to work through these intense feelings will help you feel
normal again and will allow you to concentrate. These skills
will be priceless to you over the next few months because they will be the
anchor that helps you conquer your insecure thoughts.
When you're done with Section 1, you will have a strong handle on your emotions.
Not only will you understand what you're feeling and why you're feeling it, but
you'll also uncover the following techniques:
How to stop the raging and screaming before it starts.
(This step-by-step strategy will motivate your spouse to listen and validate
your feelings instead of shutting you down and telling you it's "your
fault".) Page 22
Why your physical pain, anxiety attacks and crippling depression
does not mean you're going crazy. (This simple 4-step process
will help you dispel the all-to common paranoia before it leaves you shattered
in millions of pieces.) Page 35
The 12 most critical questions you'll wrestle with immediately
after you discover the affair. (Working through these questions
in this specific order will help you sleep better and free you from the
circus of disorientating thoughts.) Page 22
Why the affair is not your fault. (5 steps for clearing
your mind and protecting yourself from becoming sucked into a black hole
of shame and negative thinking.) Page 29
How to free yourself from the violent thoughts that make you
scared to death you're turning into a crazed psychopath. (7 techniques
for cooling your natural desire to take out revenge.) Page 33
Six exercises you can do right now when the pain of the affair
is so strong it feels like you have a gall stone. (How performing
this one simple breathing exercise will quickly calm you as soon as you
start to hyper ventilate.) Page 38
After you start to understand and control your emotions, the next step will be
to help you recover from the plague of negative thoughts.
How To Get The Images And
Negative Thoughts Out Of Your Mind
Many people come to me terrified that they are going crazy and haunted with the
following:
How to get the images out of their mind.
Whether the lover was better than them.
What they could have done to prevent this.
Wondering if their spouse loves the other person more than them.
Feelings of paranoia, worthlessness, and insecurity.
All these feelings are normal and to be expected. When the rug is pulled out
from under you, it affects your ability to see things clearly. That is why this
section will help you take hold of reality.
Use my 3-Step Program for Clearing Your Mind And Owning Your Thoughts will
specifically benefit you when you are suffocating from obsessive images.
How to erase the images out of your mind. (This age-old, 3-step
technique, which I adapted from the core of cognitive therapy, helps to rescue
people who become shipwrecked from all forms of negative and debilitative
thinking.) Page 53
Another major hurdle we'll jump over is rebuilding your self-confidence. Most
likely, you are assuming personal responsibility for the affair; as a result,
you're questioning your self-worth.
This, again, is a very normal response to an affair. That is why I will help you
regain what you lost in the course of this tragic time. Not only will my Seven
Keys to Unlocking Love and Respect help get you out of the rut, they
will help you starting walking confidently again.
How to rebuild your self-confidence, self-respect, and self-trust.
(These Seven keys will help you permanently take control of the hostile waves
of insecure thoughts, feelings, and imaginations.) Page 57
As you can imagine, the injured is not the only one who is hurting at this time.
Before we move into the second phase of the system, it is imperative that we
spend equal time helping the cheating partner cope with their issues.
How To Restore Trust With Your Partner If
You're The One Who Cheated.
After you commit adultery and expose the news to your partner, there are many
legitimate issues you need work through before you can hope to restore trust.
Again, this will not be an overnight process, but if you follow what I say
consistently, your partner will eventually warm up to you.
In addition to coping with your feelings of guilt, shame, and hopelessness, you
might also be dealing with the emotions directly tied with the affair. These
feelings could include withdrawal, which can be intensified by the day-to-day
hassles of dealing with the paramour (lover) and responding to your partner's
questions about them.
If you have not broken away from the paramour, you will have to do so in order
to continue working on your relationship. We will deal with each of the
emotional aspects of cutting ties and what to do if the paramour doesn't want
to cut ties with you.
You'll learn the following strategies:
What to do if the affair meets your needs more than your marriage.
(How to communicate what was missing without crushing your spouse or making
them resent you.) Page 84
How to permanently break off the relationship with the lover.
(Six critical guidelines for terminating the affair and getting a fresh
start.) Page 78
What to do if the ex-lover won't leave you alone. (Four
ways to cut-off off all contact and communication with the paramour.)
Page 79
How to rid yourself from the major withdrawals of the affair.
(Why being in an affair is no different than being addicted to a drug
and how to come clean.) Page 83
"I wish I could have read this before I tried to go back to my
lover."
"I wish I could have read this before I tried to go back to my
lover. This time it is over, and I have cut all contact. My husband has
forgiven me, and I will work on rebuilding my marriage. We are both working on
it together and spending quality time together. I have moved on from the affair
and now concentrate on the good things in my marriage. Your information is so
valuable to me and spot on. Thank you."
Mandy Horeld
Brisbane, Queensland
Like the injured, you will experience strong emotions that could result in
intense mental and physical pain. Working through these in sequence will help
you process the pain and rebuild the relationship. The reason why is because
many of the emotions you will experience could be tied to why you had the
affair in the first place (which we will uncover in Section 4).
Before we can begin to unravel the complex source of the problem, it is crucial
that we start reconstructing some element of trust.
After learning about your affair, the injured starts to question what is true
and what is a lie. At this moment, for the injured, everything is questionable;
that is why the only way you will start repairing trust is by being completely
transparent.
At this stage in the game, you will start to see the world from your partner's
perspective and begin to understand how your actions affect their sense of
safety. Knowing this information will help you build new levels of security
through transparency and reassurance.
"...gave me a better perspective on the type of emotions
my mate is going through."
"Being that I am the one who did the injury to my mate, I
don't know the "real" impact of my actions. Reading the sections written for
the injured person gave me a better idea of the type of emotions my mate is
going through and how I can help him work through his healing."
Dora Toulon
Brooklyn, NY
Before you start opening up every door, I need to provide several guidelines,
including The Five Pitfalls to Developing Transparency and the
following:
How to dispel the rejection from your spouse when they give
you the cold shoulder. (What to do and say when your spouse starts
throwing daggers.) Page 67
How to live a normal life without arousing suspicion.
(5 transparent ways to reassure your spouse that you're not sneaking around
or lying to them.) Page 85
What to do when it feels like your spouse will never trust you
again. (Uncover what your spouse is feeling and what it is they
actually want, but aren't telling you.) Page 91
"...I am being more transparent."
"After my affair, you taught me how to have a new level of
accountability with my wife, and I am being more transparent with her."
Tom Sanders
Ashville, AL
Now that you have taken the time to look inside yourself and taken control of
the emotional impact of the affair, you are ready to start working with your
partner.
Phase II: Healing As a Couple - Working Together to Identify and Resolve Key
Issues
This component of the system focuses largely on helping you establish a healthy
way to communicate with your partner. I show you how you can achieve this, as
well as how to approach forgiveness, how to decide when you should talk about
the affair, and how to start learning ways to protect your relationship from
further harm.
During Phase II, you and your partner will uncover many important issues, but
the number one thing we will establish is.
A Step-by-Step Program For Effectively
Communicating Without Making Matters Worse.
Most people do not have the skills to work through their problems without
getting emotionally sucked into the discussion and destroying any positive
groundwork they've built.
That is why I spend time helping you manage your emotions and teaching you how
to see things from the other person's perspective in Phase I. Without that
foundation, working through Phase II would be fruitless.
After you've laid the groundwork in Phase I, Sections 4-6 will help you move
towards forgiveness and get your ship sailing in the right direction.
It is during this phase that you will start uncovering why the affair happened
and where there are problem areas in your relationship. Once you know this
information, you will begin talking about them and solving them in Sections
5-6.
Talking for the two of you will be the main component of Phase II. Because you
have dealt with the majority of your emotions, discussing the details or
relational issues will not be so taxing. The injured partner will not take the
details so personally and the cheating partner will be much more sensitive and
choose their words very carefully.
At this point, the two of you will sit down and go through my system to uncover:
Why the affair happened. (A step-by-step strategy to
open up your relationship and look inside with complete honesty.) Page 94
Why cheaters cheat. (Understanding this one point could
keep your spouse from cheating again.) Page 96
What was missing in your relationship. (Uncover your
primary needs and more importantly, what your spouse needs.) Page 99
How to get what you want out of your relationship without dragging
your spouse kicking and screaming. (Implementing these 10 critical
dimensions will help to affair-proof your relationship.) Page 103
What to do when you both see red and neither party is willing
to back down. (Discover my 3-step method for coming into agreement
and solving almost any problem before it splits you farther apart.) Page 118
"...step-by-step directions for re-connecting after 36
years of marriage."
"After the trauma of my husband's betrayal, you gave me hope
with a concrete action plan that helped to provide the best atmosphere for a
successful new relationship. I appreciate what you have done to give us clear,
step-by-step directions for reconnecting after 36 years of marriage.
What seems like an impossible task was broken down into, "do this FIRST," then,
"do this NEXT," and keeps building on successes. Thanks a lot."
Colleen Talley
Topeka, KS
How to protect your relationship from getting any worse.
(Carefully avoiding these four destructive minefields will accelerate
the reconstruction of your relationship by helping you gain new ground
instead of managing existing problems.) Page 128
How to ask for forgiveness. (This is the #1 thing your
partner wants before they accept your apology.) Page 137
How to talk through the details of the affair. (Use
these five guidelines to move through the discussion, as well as the things
you should avoid at all costs.) Page 148
How to enjoy talking again. (Implement my 8-step program
for developing communication that leads to a happy, healthy relationship
after the affair.) Page 154
"I loved your detailed steps describing how to apologize."
I loved your detailed steps describing how to apologize and
what an apology really is. I gained information about how to treat my spouse. I
learned to live by the rule that if I wouldn't yell at him in church, I should
not yell at him at home, no matter how angry I am.
Trudy
Albuquerque, NM
How to get your spouse to accept what you say without accusing
you of lying. (Learn how you can repair the damage that was done
from repetitive lying.) Page 158
How to end a conversation before it becomes too hurtful.
(Avoid these 10 destructive habits that demolish trust and destroy love.)
Page 173
How to warm up the lines of communication when they've been
frozen for so long. (This 2-stage method will open up your spouse,
even if they are guarded tighter than Fort Knox.) Page 160
After Phase II, you will see a very big transformational change. There
will be a stronger commitment to your relationship, a feeling of honesty when
you communicate, and a new sense of intimacy, respect, and appreciation for
each other.
It is as this point that you will both want to start trusting each other again.
You will simply need to know how to do it.
Unfortunately, I speak to people who have been in counseling for years and have
never learned what I am about to teach you in Phase III. These are the critical
steps for helping rekindle a couple's flame and solidify a new trusting
relationship.
These are the techniques that will help you.
Get The Love Back By Learning How To
Rebuild A Brand New Trust-Filled Relationship.
This is going to be by far the most fulfilling experience of the system.
Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship - Understanding How to Rebuild
and Sustain a New Trust-filled Partnership
It is at this stage that you will notice more emotional predictability and
truthfulness.
With my Five Building Blocks for a Totally Transparent Relationship, your
relationship will begin to flourish with the following qualities:
Reassurance
Attention
Caring
Support
Stability
You will ease into the process of giving your faith back to your partner using
the following techniques:
How to know you can trust your spouse again without being taken
for a fool. (Learn the five forms of trust, as well as which
ones you can give and which ones you can hold back without harming your
relationship.) Page 192
How you can know when it's time to trust your spouse again.
(Identify some sure signs that you are crossing the bridge and moving
forward.) Page 212
After you start feeling emotionally connected again, you will begin the physical
aspect of your relationship. Intimacy will expand past talking and move slowly
back into sex. I will show you how to get past all the mental hurdles and enjoy
being with each other again with the following:
How to have sex again. (Learn how you can feel comfortable
with each again without being consumed by thoughts of the affair or images of
the other person.) Page 230
"...you really hit the nail on the head."
Your section on creating a transparent relationship is
fantastic. A couple I have been working with was stuck and still at risk of
losing their relationship until now. Your written words spoke so clearly and
straight to the point that he now understands what is needed (and why!), and
she is feeling empowered at having read the words to what she was feeling. They
feel that you "really hit the nail on the head," and so do I. This is a
must-read!"
Sharon Shenker, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Family-Relationship Coach and founder
Director of Divorce Support PLUS,
www.divorcesupportplus.ca
514-487-5577
"Your information is like a revolution!"
"Your information is like a revolution! Every day the trust in
my marriage builds more and more! I really like the steps to rebuilding
trust.this is hard to do, but your steps make it easier."
Sylvia Williams
Houston, TX
"...I feel more secure and I feel that I can begin to trust
him again."
"Building trust has been the biggest challenge for us; at
times it appeared to be impossible. The tips you provided have been great
because it has made my spouse understand my feelings and needs better, and I
feel more secure and I feel that I can begin to trust him again. Thanks!"
Lylla Childress
Cary, NY
As you can see, I have not only put a lot of time into my system, but I have put
my life into it.
I could have simply written a book and published it, most likely selling
thousands of copies at amazon.com and Barnes & Noble. If I
wanted to do that, I would have done the same thing every other Ph.D. with my
experience has done:
Get an agent.
Sign a book contract.
Write a book.
But I didn't want to write a book, because books don't save marriages.
And that's the difference with my system.
Not only is it designed for you to work through alone (if the other partner
isn't willing), but it's designed to be a system of steps that helps you focus
on doing the right things in the right order to save your relationship
as opposed to figuring it out on your own.
I've done this because I care. I care because I, too, know what it's like
to be hurt from a divorce. Sandy and I have been happily married for
over 25 years (January 19th, 1980), but several years
before I met her, I was married and went through a very painful divorce.
There was no infidelity in our relationship, but after going through that
painful experience, I dedicated myself, my life, to understanding how to help
married couples.
You see, I'm not unique, but I am a minority. Many counselors will make no
commitment in your relationship. For many mainstream counselors, they see
success even if you get a divorce.
That is not me!
I am pro-marriage and I will do every thing I can to help you survive,
especially through something as terrible as an affair.
As you can see, if you want to take control of your emotions, have the pain and
sadness disappear, and get your relationship back, then the first step is up to
you.
Here's What You Need To Do Today To Take Control Of
The Future Of Your Relationship And Restore The
Safety, Honesty, and Intimacy.
I divided my step-by-step affair healing system into three phases. These three
phases are separated into a total of 10 sections.
However, I don't want you to think about all 10 sections. I only want you to
think about one. Today I want you to get started with Section 1, entitled My
Spouse Had an Affair - How to Manage Your Emotions.
If you're the one who cheated, then I want you to go to Section 3, entitled The
Cheating Partner - How to Cope with Your Emotions and Restore Trust with Your
Partner.
It will only take you 30 minutes to go through your first section, but it will
save you months, if not years, of continued grief, sorrow, and anxiety.
I'm only asking you to take this one step at a time and let me prove to you that
I can help you. I'm not asking you to trust me, I'm asking you to give me 30
minutes and put me to the test.
If I don't help you regain your sense of control and worthiness, if I don't give
you hope and peace of mind and faith that you can get your life back, then you
only spent 30 minutes.
But if I do help you.then you'll gain a new life and a new relationship.
Now Is The Time To Get Started.
But before you do, I want to share a story. Remember Ray and Kathy? Remember all
the pain that they went through? Remember how Kathy was ready to throw up her
hands and give up because nothing ever worked?
Read what Ray had to write about his relationship with Kathy. (I'll take you
through their complete healing process inside my system.)
"There was a point at which both of us knew things were getting
better. It took me learning to be so transparent that Kathy could have no
question about my loyalty to our relationship. It took lots of conversations.
It took time. But eventually, we got there.
"And once we got there, we never wanted to give it up again.
Through the course of our conversations, I learned a whole new side of Kathy.
It was like I fell in love with her all over again. I never wanted to lose
that, or even be in danger of losing that, for the rest of my life.
"I truly changed over the course of this whole ordeal. I think
Kathy saw that. I think that helped her trust me again and believe that I
wanted to make this relationship work more than anything. I knew, perhaps for
the first time, that where I wanted to be was with Kathy.
"I wanted us to keep moving forward, to keep learning more and
more about one another, and to continue to deepen our relationship. I was so
afraid that we might 'fall off the wagon' and relapse to an earlier version of
our relationship.
"What I figured out eventually was that we could keep moving
forward as long as we continued to practice the techniques we had already
learned, confronted problems when they arose instead of letting them stew, and
continued to grow both separately and together. It's all about stability. When
I figured that ou,t I felt like I found home and I never had to give it up
again."
- Ray Brown
How You Can Make Ray And Kathy's Story Your Story.
Because you have come this far and are ready to experience the same benefits as
Ray and Kathy and all the other people I've helped (see my list of
hundreds of real people who have saved their marriage with my system),
I want to show you what I am going to provide to help you.
After you get my system today (you can download it in less than 3 minutes) you
will receive:
How to Survive an Affair:
A Step-by-Step System for Saving Your
Relationship after It's Been
Shattered by an Affair
My complete 30-year comprehensive step-by-step system, designed to
help you work through the healing and restoration of your relationship after an
affair.
Phase I: Individual Healing - Understanding Personal Feelings
and Sorting through Emotions
Take control of the paralyzing emotions.
Regain your sense of stability and get rid of the images.
Eliminate the paranoia and restore your self-confidence.
Cut-off the affair and move back to your spouse.
Replace the lies with truth and start over.
Understand why the affair happened.
Uncover what was missing and how to add it.
Phase II: Healing As a Couple - Working Together to Identify
and Resolve Key Issues
Accelerate the healing process: Protect your relationship from further harm.
Discover how to talk about the details.
Transform your relationship with a heart-felt apology.
Generate new honest communication.
Ignite a renewed life-long commitment.
Capture peace of mind with true forgiveness.
Phase III: Negotiating a Renewed Relationship - Understanding
How to Rebuild and Sustain a New Trust-filled Partnership
Eliminate the suspicion with complete transparency.
Restore your sex life without haunting visions.
Affair-proof your marriage for life.
Develop lasting safety, honesty and intimacy.
Accept the past without being tormented.
What Will It Cost Me To Get Started?
It's impossible to put a dollar value on a renewed life full of stability and
security and a new relationship full of peace and trust.
However, the older I get, the more I am trying to plan for the day I retire. I
can't counsel forever, nor do I want to. My goal in life is to empower you to
heal yourself. If the last thing I do is perfect a system that empowers a
couple to restore their trust in a loving safe environment, then I will live on
in peace.
If I were to go through all the information with you personally in as much
detail as I do in my system, it would take me close to 10 sessions just
to outline the basics. Because of my experience and track record, I have
to charge a going rate of $200 per hour. If that were the case, at a minimum,
I would have to charge you $2000.
However, very few people could afford that (not to mention they might not be
dealing with a willing spouse). So I'm not going to charge you that. Because
you will be downloading this immediately, I have NO publishing costs, no
agent fees, and very little overhead.
That Is Why I Can Offer My
Comprehensive System For $64.90.
Click Here Now To Order
However, there's one more very important thing you need to know.
Last week, after surveying several people who bought my system, I learned some
very sad news.
I wanted to know how long ago they found out about the affair. Out of the group,
almost 16% found out about the affair within the last 7 days, with close to 40%
learning the sad news within the last 30 days.
Immediately after I learned this information, I spent the next five days
updating my system, and I wrote two new reports that I will give to you for
free because you are buying today.
Report #1:
What to Do If You've Been Cheated On: How to Pick up the Pieces after You've
Been Ripped Apart by an Affair
(Value: $19.95)
What to do with the words of a liar. (What to say
when they promise to" never do it again.")
Why it's ok to let them have it. (Why you can forget all my
rules of engagement for this short 5-day period.)
How to uncover what is true and what is a lie. (Why it's okay
to approach everything your spouse says with a healthy level of skepticism.)
How to have the freedom to say whatever you choose. (Choosing
to display your raw emotions will help rebuild your relationship from square
one.)
Click Here Now To Order
Report # 2:
How to Save Your Relationship if You've Cheated on Your Spouse: Seven Critical
Actions You MUST Take to Avoid the Devastation of a Break-Up or a Divorce
(Value: $19.95)
Critical steps you need to take seconds after you break the horrible news.
(Responding to their reaction in this specific way will significantly reduce
the amount of pain your spouse will go through.)
How much to disclose and how quickly.
(Before you share any details, you need to understand what will help your
relationship and what will hurt it.)
The #1 question your spouse will press for and how to handle it with kid
gloves.
(Mishandling this question will almost always destroy your ability to rebuild
trust.)
How to convince your spouse that the affair is over. (Use this
proven technique to remove any doubt in your spouse's mind that the affair is
over.)
Click Here Now To Order
Why Waiting To Start My Program Could
Hurt Your Relationship!
Remember in the beginning of this letter when I told you I could help almost
everyone (if they were willing to begin right away)?
There is a very important reason for that.
Many people put off the healing process because they think it means they need to
forgive and forget (which is not true). So they wait, and let time be the
healer. Even though you think time can be a great healer, time can also have a
negative effect.
Right after an affair is a very turbulent time. Very hurtful things are said
while emotions are revved up. If left alone without any intervention, a couple
could push themselves past the breaking point and make the healing process
near-impossible.
"I wish I had read this before the relationship ended."
"The parts of your system that were most helpful to me were
the Seven Emotional Trials the Cheater Will Face, as well as the section on
Becoming Transparent. I never really looked at it from that point of view. It
was very helpful, although a little too late. Unfortunately my relationship
ended on my birthday. I wasn't aware that my actions simply didn't demonstrate
a type of "transparent" behavior. I wish I had read this before the
relationship ended. Thank you, I will make it a point never to cheat again."
Veronica Besch
Independence, MO
Because I have proven my point so clearly and given you an absolutely no-lose
opportunity, I strongly encourage you to take action today and protect
yourself, protect your relationship, and protect your future.
All you have to do is click the link below that says "click here to now to
order." Once you do that you will be taken to the order page. I've chosen a
third party payment service called ClickBank.
After your payment is authorized through ClickBank, you will immediately be redirected to my
members-only site, where you can begin using my system. All the files are instant downloads using Adboe Acrobat Reader (remember to start with
Section 1.)
Downloads will take 3-5 minutes depending on your internet connection.
In addition, I will send you an e-mail within 30 seconds with all the system
information so you can save it for future reference.
Your information is private and secure. I will never share any of your
information with anyone. It is confidential All the e-mails coming from
this site will come from me, Dr. Frank Gunzburg.
Don't wait, click here now to order and start the healing process.
Warm Regards,
Dr. Frank Gunzburg
10 Crossroads Drive
Suite 117
Owings Mills, MD 21117
P.S. The other day I received this e-mail from Nichole
Williams. It's proof that you too can use my system to heal your relationship
after an affair and start fresh. Read what she had to say.
"...we are starting over with a clean slate"
I have been working for a long time trying to rebuild trust
with my husband after his affair. He felt that just because he was sorry and
wanted to work it out that I should IMMEDIATELY trust him again and stop
talking about the affair.
However, I still had questions that were haunting me and could
not move forward. Once he read your section on how to rebuild the trust, he
understood more about what I needed from him!
It is amazing that some of the things mentioned in your
section are exactly what I wanted to happen. Of course when I said it, he
didn't give much thought to it, but I guess seeing it in writing from an actual
author made it real.
After reading just this one section and understanding what I
needed from him, my husband agreed to answer ANY question I had in regards to
his affair. Believe me, it wasn't easy for either one of us to actually have to
tell the truth about what happened on his part and for me to hear it.
But now for the first time, I honestly feel like we are
starting over with a clean slate.
Thank you Dr. Gunzburg!"
Nicole Williams
Oceanside, CA
P.P.S. How much of my system will help you? That I can't tell
you, but I can tell you that several hundreds of couples have used it
successfully. Click here to read all the wonderful success stories. (Click
here to read the stories from real people.)
P.P.P.S. If you just found out within the last 30 days that
your spouse had an affair, then I know how you feel. You have a lot of intense
emotions and burning questions, and you need something that will give you
immediate relief.
That is why I have a special report written just for you.
In order to help you jump to the areas of my system that you need to know
RIGHT NOW, I've created a special bonus report called my 21-Step Spontaneous
Healing Plan. It will lead you in the direction to get immediate pain relief.
(Click here and get this special fast
start guide now!)
IMPORTANT: Click Here
ONLY If You've Decided
NOT To Order Today
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