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Why Relationships Fail
I’ve been a practicing psychologist in an outpatient setting for over twenty years. I run into eight conditions almost every day (addictions, anxiety, ADHD/learning disabilities, assertiveness, children’s behaviors, mood disorders, relationships and self-esteem). Relationships are one of the most important of these in its own right, but in every one of the other seven areas, it, like self-esteem and assertiveness plays a huge role. Usually, when people have a good relationship, the problems in each of these groups diminish. A graduate professor once told me there are two things that either make or break people. One is employment and the other is having a good relationship.
If you are reading this, chances are your relationship is in trouble. Do you suffer from the dysfunction of not communicating well? The symptoms vary but usually include fighting, withdrawal, icily staring at each other, avoiding contact, sleeping in separate bedrooms, or worse. You could be having an affair, even if it is just an emotional one. There could be substance abuse or domestic violence. These are all warning signs. Some are dramatic and harmful. Others are chronic and annoying. If you have any of these signs and your relationship is the cause, this ebook is for you.
In this ebook, I start out with a discussion of the Four Stages of Relationships. Intimate relationships do not just happen. They evolve. Their progress and path is pretty well understood. I go over this because without knowing the stages, it is hard to figure out "where" in the continuum you might be, and it is hard to recognize some of the issues that relate to each stage. I walk you through each stage, highlighting the issues that are characteristic of each.
Next, I delve into the "Deep Stuff." This ties what we learned early in life to what is happening in our relationships. This section covers Basic Assumptions and Transference. Don't worry. I define and give plenty of examples of each. You need this to get to the bottom of communication problems, especially in long-term liasons. One specific version of this is what I call Negative Loops. This is when one partner does something negative to the other, who in return does something back. Only, what the second partner does in return is the very thing that made the first partner upset in the first place. This unconsciously escalates with very bad consequences if each partner is not aware of the deep stuff. I give eight categories of Negative Loops, which covers ninety percent of the relationship cases I've seen in the office.
How do we escape, transcend or otherwise avoid such traps? The next section covers Structured Communication. This is my technique that all by itself fixes about forty percent of the problem dynamics. It s about communicating in a way that reduces tensions and increases insights. There's the basic version and the enriched version, which happens when we get good. Both involve inserting just a couple of steps that most partners usually omit. I outline the process and give examples. The enriched part builds upon the success of the basic part. This ties the whole process together and helps partners move beyond Negative Loops. This particular communication technique works for everyone, not just for couples in trouble. Even if there are no Negative Loops (which is very, very rare) Structured Communication makes relationships flow. It clears the air and sets us up for the next section.
This is where I introduce another set of ideas, some attitudinal, some philosophical. This section clears up another forty percent of problems. In this section I talk about the 51/49 Rule, The Four-To-One Rule, Ego States, The Seven Deadly Words or Phrases and The Anatomy of Guilt.
This ebook is not written for folks who are just starting to date. While we need to know this stuff, even at the beginning of a relationship, most people do not care because the beginnings of relationships are novel, fun, exciting and so on. In truth, if we know about what is coming in relationships, the beginnings of relationships would be even better, but this is a hard sell for most folks. So, I don't try. The Structured Communication technique will enrich even beginning relationships, but this ebook is for folks who have a relationship that is going off track, which is usually the longer-term ones.
It does not matter what race, religion, income level, sexual orientation or other aspects we bring to our relationships. We don't have to be married, just in longer-term relationships that are not doing well. I wrote this for people not in therapy, who want a stand alone ebook that walks them through what I do in the office. I've found that this self-help material works very well. If a therapist is needed, I tell you when to make the call.
This latest ebook is 44 pages and is the probably the most relevant one I've written, to date, with the possible exceptions of the ebooks on Self-Esteem and Assertiveness. (These can be found by visiting my website and following the links to ebooks at: http://www.drgriggs.org). My psychology clients also are very enthusiastic about this ebook, probably because when they are doing the work in the ebook, therapy accelerates even more. It turns out everyone can use some work on relationships, in therapy or not..
Like my other publications, this ebook has no fat. Think of it as a "Cliffs Notes" publication. It's "sort of" a quick read (about two hours for the first reading), because I have to explain some stuff using terms you probably haven't heard before. But its all laid out in everyday language, just like what you're reading now.
Nobody has published what I present as the glue that makes these concepts work. I think this is why my ebook does a better job. It's process as well as content driven. The theory I espouse is different from standard relationships literature in this field. It works better. I know, because I developed many of these techniques and have been using them with clients for years. I've put together a hard hitting, direct "How To" manual that is now available for anyone over the age of eighteen. My research has not turned up another ebook that does what mine does.
Ebooks are replacing standard books because they are easier and quicker to obtain. There is a need for immediate information, reasonably priced. I've priced this ebook to be at least twenty percent undermarket, considering what bookstores charge and the travel costs to and from. The ebook is now available for download. The price is:
$14.95
Click on the title below and follow the links. You will be prompted to enter your credit card or PayPal information through ClickBank. Then you will click on another link which will send you to the page that delivers a big Thank You, and information about how and when you will receive the ebook.
[Why Relationships Fail](http://1.drgriggs.pay.clickbank.net)
For more about the author and other ebooks (now five), [click here](http://drgriggs.org).
If you have any questions or problems, here's my contact email address:
[stgbiz@cox.net](mailto:stgbiz@cox.net)
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