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Subjects include:
Age, Airlines, Apartments, Babies, Banks, Beef, Cars, Cats, Childhood, Children, Church, Cooking, Crime, Dating, Dentists, Doctors, Dogs, Driving, Economy, Energy, Exercise, Fashion, Fat, Food Prices, Guns, Health, Home, Hunting, Husband, Jogging, Lawn & Garden, Luck, Marriage, Money, Movies, Proverbs, Religion, Restaurants, School, Smoking, Streets, Taxes, Teenagers, Television, Wife and much more.
Edited by Joe Hickman
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Order securely using your credit card through ClickBank, and you'll have access to the entire file in minutes. It's a standard Web page like this one (though much, much longer) that can be saved instantly to your hard drive.
It's the same type of great quality humor you find throughout the
HaLife Web site, and you'll have it on your computer to use anytime you need the perfect line.
You may want to drop your favorites, or all 1,101 of them into a humor database. Or print out the ones you need for your next speech or roast.
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A Few Sample Lines from
1,101 One-Liners
Abortion
Studies show that 100% of those who advocate abortion are people who already have been born.
Advice
She can offer lots of advice. Good advice. Advice that's been passed down from generation to generation and never been used.
Ballet
He went to a ballet once. He didn't like it. He couldn't even tell who won.
Barbecue
Why is it lighting an outdoor grill always makes the wind blow?
Candy
Have you ever wondered why the same candy bar that rots a child's teeth is a wonderful source of quick energy for adults?
Childhood
I had a terrible childhood. I'm probably the only guy in history who was once bitten by the Tooth Fairy.
Cooking
If it's moral, my wife's done it to a chicken.
Handy
He's probably the only guy in town who ever got his finger caught in a screwdriver.
Luck
She called the gas company one Friday afternoon -- they kept her on "Hold" all weekend.
Movies
Why should I pay $9.00 for a movie ticket when I can see the same movie on TV for $40.00 a month?
Religious
He always listens to his conscience -- that still small inner voice that warns him when somebody's watching.
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