My Relationshiop Saver - Turning Conflicts into True Love
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\\"ARE YOU AFRAID AND CONCERNED ABOUT THE SURVIVAL OF YOUR MARRIAGE?
ARE ENDLESS FIGHTINGS WITH YOUR SPOUSE DESTROYING ALL YOUR PEACE AND
JOY?\\"
From Nora Femenia, author of:\"TURNING CONFLICTS INTO TRUE LOVE\" !
Fort Lauderdale
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 09TH
Dear Friend,
Is your relationship in trouble? Were you hoping that you might find
something on this site that would help you realize what is happening,
solve the problem and get things 'back to normal' again? Or do you
want your relationship to be even better than before, better than you
ever thought possible?
IS YOUR STORY LIKE THIS ONE?
You fall in love and it looks like now, at last, you will have a
companion, someone to share wonderful moments together, and this
gleaming new life unfolds in front of you both.
You are thrilled and so grateful to life that has given you a new
opportunity to experience love...They are some light disputes, of
course, but you take them in stride because you think they are part of
the process of learning how to share daily life by doing decisions
together. Further along the path, however you begin to notice that
your spouse is always getting upset by your differences, showing his
anger and frustration and escalating disputes into open
fights...complete with him yelling and screaming blame at you!
Suddenly you find that you spend most of your day thinking about your
unsolved needs, being frustrated and resentful about the fights, and
terribly sad because you are watching your relationship becoming a
battlefield...
And there is much more we need to talk about:
Is it your deep wish to wake up tomorrow to a smiling, attentive
spouse, totally tuned into making you happy?
If your dream comes true, and you can have the healthy relationship
you dream about, do you know what it looks like?
HOW DO YOU DESCRIBE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
* One that has a basic sense of trust: you can trust your partner to
support you through thick and thin;
* One that assumes that your partner is the person that appreciates
you the most; no other person in the world has such respect and
admiration for you;
* One where the inevitable differences are learning opportunities
that challenge each other to better understand and love his/her
partner?
One that excites and surprises you and makes your days filled with
joy?
Why is this? Because both people included are supporting each other,
non-competing but sharing; both appreciative of the place of each
other's gifts inside the relationship.
IS THIS THE DESCRIPTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP THAT YOU WANT?
THE ONE WHERE YOUR DREAMS OF A LOVING FUTURE BECOME REALITY?
Have you been always dreaming of this nurturing and supportive
partnership, only to wake up to the coldness of a harsh reality where
there are too many conflicts between you and the person you love?
Do you find yourself now asking a basic question:
"What is going on here, that the promise of love and companionship
has evolved into a constant battle where I feel frustrated, lonely,
and sadder than ever before?
How did I end up here and what can I do to recover peace and love
inside MY MARRIAGE?"
There are many answers to this question, here we invite you to
consider: Is it possible that you have been expressing your needs in a
way that your loved one feels as negative? Your partner will only
exhibit the best part of him/herself once you stop doing things he/she
can perceive as fighting and quarrelling. What you have been doing up
until now has composed perhaps the problem, and hurt people around
you, without your knowing what was the effect of it.
If you knew what to change, sure you would behave in a more
attractive way, right? like what?
CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF HERE?
HAVING SUCH A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE, AS TO:
* Be Able to See Through a Confrontation, Spotting The Real Issues
At Once.
* Eliminate your Fears of Confronting your Partner!!!
* Feel Strong and Confident!
* Have to Power To Express Your Own Feelings, and Defend your Points
of Views Without Offending Anyone.
* Eliminate the Need of going into Hiding, Retreat or Avoidance,
putting and end to silent suffering.
* Knowing What to Say...
* Knowing How to Say It.
Impossible?
NOT REALLY! READ ON!
Most of the conversations in relationships that fail consist of
reacting automatically to each other and 'pushing each other's
buttons.'
MY OWN STORY:
Without realizing it, probably what you have been doing up until now
has composed the problem, and hurt people around you. Most of us never
got any training in how to manage disputes, and so we escalate, cause
unnecessary hurt and open wounds difficult to heal.
In my own story, I have realized much later the impact of my own
words on people I loved...too late to understand why my loved ones
were distant, frustrated or simply aggressive with me....People
finally lost all trust on me, and expected always angry reactions from
me!
I had failed to identify their needs and was pushing only for mine,
in such an aggressive way that I was ignoring the
relationship...Nobody told me how to care for the link with other
people, I only understood my need to defend myself!!
It took me years and much thinking and reflection on my own life and
my friends' life stories to discover basic truths on
relationships...You will be surprised to discover the real role of
conflict in your relationship...
This is what I have learned in the harsh school of life:
CONFLICT IS NOT INTENDED TO MAKE YOU TWO GROW APART, BUT TO HELP
LEARN THE BASIC TRUTH ABOUT HOW TO DEAL WITH EACH OTHER!
You need two to have a dispute, but to repair your relationship, you
need only One Person: YOU!
Neil Warner, Editor
Creative Conflict Resolutions
When frustration builds up, we escalate by being angry, oppositional
and violent. Demanding, challenging and requesting that the other
should change first, so then we will do the behavior that has a
positive impact in the relationship, is a dead end. What we do to
defend ourselves, the other side experiences as emotional abuse! And
you never intended it to be abusive!
Consequently, if you knew how to stop nagging, doing knee-jerk
reactions and change your communication NOW, your partner will
automatically react differently. And you will have your needs met!
There is a simple, yet effective, process to manage disputes even
before they appear.
THIS LOOKS AS A MONUMENTAL TASK, BUT IT' S EASY TO DO WITH THE
SECRETS OFFERED TO YOU IN:
"Turning Conflicts into True Love"
STOP HAVING YOUR BUTTONS PUSHED;
STOP PUSHING OTHER PEOPLE
