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I BEAT DEPRESSION! I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU.
I think I was born depressed. My first suicide attempt was when I was
seven, and I tried a bunch more times through my teens and twenties.
Spent many days and weeks just lying in bed wishing it all was all
over.
But then, one day it was finished, and I started living in a state of
peace and joy!
How did I do it? That became the question I pursued for the next two
years, examining all the changes that had occurred and trying to piece
together what had happened. In my book "BECOMING DEPRESSION-PROOF: HOW
I CURED MYSELF OF DEBILITATING DESPONDENCY", I examine some of the
things I explored and the effects they've had, such as:
* "Presence"
* Dealing with emotions and thoughts
* Developing gratitude
* Resistance and surrender
* Truth
* Blaming and forgiveness
* How "Trust" can keep up depressed
And plenty more, and they're not what you might expect. For instance,
here's the section on "Emotions":
We're taught from an early age to judge our emotions: anger and
sadness are bad and joy is good. When I say taught, I don't
necessarily mean in the formal sense, but more from example. If you're
angry at a sibling you're told you shouldn't be, essentially
instructed to deny your emotions. When I was very young I remember
being in tears about something and my mother telling me to "stop
crying or I'll give you something to cry about", which I found
baffling, as I clearly already had something to cry about, which I
was. But I was taught that in most situations, feeling sad (or at
least showing it) was not acceptable.
If we buy into this cultural paradigm, we end up with three choices.
We either consider ourselves the victims of emotions we can't control,
so we essential feel sorry for ourselves for being stuck with our
anger, or sadness, or jealousy, or whatever, which just compounds the
negative experience. Or, we try to take charge of our emotions,
telling ourselves we shouldn't feel what we're feeling, and when our
emotional state doesn't bend to our will, we berate ourselves for
feeling angry or sad or jealous, and add the emotion of guilt on top
of it, also compounding our suffering. Possibly worst of them is if
the above fail, or we just don't have the energy or discipline to even
attempt these tactics, we repress our emotional state, burying it
where we hope we will no longer experience it, though it always seems
to come out anyway, usually in ways that we aren't even aware of. Some
therapists believe that all depression is really anger that has been
suppressed. I don't know whether that's true of all depression, but I
expect there are cases where this is happening.
If we look at it from the Scheinfeld or Tolle perspectives, emotions
are just experiences. Trying to only experience "good" emotions and
avoid "bad" emotions would be denying yourself the fullness of life
(there is a similar theory I've heard in relation to food, that we
overeat because we emphasize salty and sweet foods to the exclusion of
other flavours like bitter and sour).
Denying "negative" emotions may impact your "positive" ones anyhow.
There's a great old poem called "On Joy and Sorrow" that contains the
line "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked". Just like the Taoist idea
that you can't have day without night, it's possible that you can't
have positive experiences without negative ones.
So rather than categorizing emotional states and then attempting to
purge yourself of the "bad" ones and force yourself into the "good"
ones, just observe the emotions you're experiencing without judgment.
Let them do what they will, but don't detach yourself from them
either. Make sure you're fully in the experience. Really get into your
sadness, or anger, or fear, or whatever.
Shortly after I was "cured" of depression, I remember one morning
waking up feeling a bit blue. At first I panicked, thinking that I was
having a relapse, or perhaps my cure was just a short-lived respite or
illusion. But then I decided if I was going to be depressed, I was
going to enjoy it (that may appear oxymoronic, but it's an attitude
that, when developed, can make many previously painful, disturbing, or
just plain annoying experiences enjoyable). So I decided to spend the
day in bed eating Ben & Jerry's while watching bad sci-fi movies.
Curiously, I couldn't even stay depressed through the whole day.
Years before this experience I had read a book on a jiu-jitsu
approach to psychotherapy. The basic idea was instead of fighting and
resisting the depression, get into it and use its own force to throw
it. The book gave a bunch of ideas like making a depression painting,
baking a depression cake, and I think it may even have suggested
eating ice cream while watching bad movies. When I had tried it back
then, it didn't work. I believe it's because I was trying to feel the
depression in order to get rid of it, which amounts to resisting it
(there's a later chapter on this). In the more recent experience, I
was actually looking forward to the day of accomplishing nothing and
sitting around the house. By actually immersing myself in the
experience, it ran its course and I quickly moved on to other
experiences. When I had been resisting it earlier in my life, it
wouldn't budge. Possibly because I had never allowed myself to "get"
the experience.
As I mentioned earlier, and will go more into in the chapter on
"Judgments" (I'm assuming you'll read that far), we learn from an
early age to label things as bad or good, right or wrong. When we
apply this to emotions, we expend massive effort avoiding the "bad"
emotions and trying to hang onto the "good" ones. In the first case I
suspect the resistance drags out the time it takes to get over the
emotion, or it just keeps resurfacing. Like when you're angry at
someone and keep trying not to be, telling yourself it wrong to feel
that way or that you're over-reacting. And the next day (or hour) you
find yourself still feeling mad at them. I'm not suggesting you punch
the person, but instead allow yourself to really feel the emotion. Sit
with the experience. And especially don't try to explain it or figure
out why you feel the way you do. Just be. I've heard that some
psychotherapists, when dealing with a client with anger issues, have
them repeatedly punch a pillow, or yell, or both. The idea is to get
the anger "out", but I think what's really going on is that the person
is finally letting themselves really feel it. It's more of getting the
anger "in".
When we feel a "positive" emotion, we also have to be willing to let
it go. Too often when we have what we label a good experience we try
in vain to make it indefinite, and then feel bad about it ending
(maybe you don't, but I have). Everything in life is subject to
change. If we try to hang onto a feeling, we'll be unsuccessful, and
may miss all the other experiences that are headed our way.
There's a second section of the book where I've included a bunch of
"life games" you can play that will help get over any ill emotions.
For those of you who are mired in depression, or just deal with it
from time to time, or just get "blue" feelings once in a while, I hope
that having lived through it and come out the other side I can help
you cross over to this state of joy and aliveness.
Here's what some other folks have said about "Depression-Proof":
"Your book is so personal, and yet I feel that everyone who reads it
will take something important away with them, even if they have not
been struggling with depression. So many of the ideas and tools you
present (often very humorously, I might add) apply to anyone trying to
make their way in the world, attempting to understand themselves and
those around them. To me you've achieved a kind of enlightenment that
few have found by acknowledging the more negative habits such as blame
and judgment as part of the human process and offering tools on how to
deal with them. Meanwhile you embrace the more positive habits, such
as gratitude, and show how to make sure those parts of our selves stay
strong. I am very happy that you have decided to share your
experiences with us. It can only lead to good things! Thank you."
Philippa Thompson, Brooklyn, NY
"I opened your book and found myself so engrossed, I wasn't able to
pause or stop until I finished it. I think you've written a powerfully
concise, emotionally and intellectually honest book that has great
potential to help a great many people. While it certainly has an
important ability to help people who are suffering from depression, I
think it also is a fascinating study of so many philosophies and
personal growth techniques that most people will appreciate."
Dominique Gizelle, Bellmore, NY
When I was searching for a "cure", lack of funds severely limited
what was available. I don't want to put other people in that
situation, so I've priced the book at $19, figuring that anyone could
afford that (if I'm wrong, please let me know and I can work something
else out with you).
And as an added bonus, Chris Westra is allowing me to include his
wonderful book on money mastery "I Create Millions". This book alone
is worth over $30. But you get it along with "Becoming
Depression-Proof" for only $19! And there's a 60-day money-back
guarantee! If within 60 days you decide that this material hasn't been
helpful, then simply request a refund. No questions asked.
So if you believe this book could help you overcome whatever
ill-feelings you're suffering from, I hope you order and it helps to
turn your life around. And please write me and let me know what
benefits you've gotten from it.
When you click the above you will be redirected to a payment link,
and after your payment is processed you will be sent to the site where
you can download both books _immediately_. No waiting for a package in
the mail. If you have any questions or need more information, you can
contact me at:
jimi@jimidurso.com
