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Adopting through Foster Care
One Woman’s Journey of Frustration,Hope and Joy
Through Foster-Adoption
A Memoir About My Adopting Foster Experience
Are you……
Thinking of Adoption? Looking at Foster Adopt programs? Hoping to Adopt a Foster Child? Curious about the Gift of Adoption? Interested to know some Pros and Cons of Adoption
Then you will enjoy reading about my personal experiences of Adopting through the Foster Care system.
One morning, sometime after my forty-third birthday I realized I wanted to be a Mom. Now I appreciate that you might think any normal woman would want kids in her twenties or thirties, but I didn’t really. My husband and I were busy with career, traveling and partying and, well, I just forgot to have kids. I never heard my biological clock ticking and now my alarm was ringing, and ringing loudly! Pregnancy may not be an option for me, so after many soul-searching conversations with my husband, we decided to adopt – via Foster Care.
Thinking of Adopting – Foster?
If you’ve ever thought about fostering, or joined the hundreds of families who foster and adopt children every year, you’ll know that the entire process can be overwhelming. From being carefree DINKYs (Double Income, No Kids) you are suddenly thrust in to the center of a family, as the primary caregiver for someone else’s child.
Many families find themselves at the center of an adoption controversy as they navigate through the challenges of the gift of
adoption. While the process is possibly one of the most rewarding which any couple can experience, and the gift of adoption is incredible, there is also a lot to learn in a very short space of time. There are no comprehensive guide books out there for prospective foster parents, so how do you arm yourself against the issues and pitfalls of choosing to be a temporary parent for the
very first time?
Pros and Cons of Adoption
I can help. I’m Michelle Van, and I’ve written a diary of my day-to-day life while I was trying to adopt through the Foster Care System. The book has been developed to provide an empathic account of the difficulties new fosterers can face, from initial application to be a foster carer, right through to the moment when your new foster child comes to live with you for the first time. I provide a detailed first-hand account of the pros and cons of adopting and fostering.
My Story:
Two Empty Bedrooms A Foster – Adoption Memoir
In just a few years we had ten foster kids come to live with us, ranging in age from newborn to twelve years old. Some came for the weekend, others for months or weeks. The longest stay was a brother and sister who came for nine months before reuniting with their Birth-Mom. We’ve had a Down syndrome child, an Attachment Disorder child and other children with an assortment of diagnosed syndromes. One brother and sister came after their mom got sent to the Gulf War, and the kids needed somewhere to stay until Grandma could come. Another child has continued to be in our lives three years later, even after going back home to his Mom. What follows is a series of blogs and articles about a few of these foster children and our journey of Adoption through Foster Care. I have changed names and some details to protect everyone. I hope my story will inspire you.
Getting Prepared for your Adopting – Foster Experience
To learn how the foster-adopt process works in the US, and gain insight in to the amazing
experiences which fostering can bring, you can download my book today for just $7.95.
While you can read the guidelines on fostering available through the system, nothing can
prepare you for the extreme emotions and challenges which you will face, as you step out
on the biggest, most exhilarating and joyful journey of your life through the gift of adoption.
Purchase Two Empty Bedrooms: One Woman’s Journey of Frustration, Hope and Joy
Through Foster-Adoption in an e-book delivered to you via a download link, for only $7.95.
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Thank you! Questions? [email Michelle](mailto:fostermom@fosteradoptbook.com?subject=question%20about%20%20book)
© Michelle A. Vandepas 2006 – 2010
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Book Excerpt:
Is it Worth it? All Saints Day, November 1, 2003
When we get a call we don’t know if the kids will be adoptable, and there is no way to tell. We don’t know anything about the family. Maybe Mom is in jail, but will get out the same day. Perhaps she will abandon the kids and leave them with us. [](http://fosteradoptebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/1002008_sad_friend.jpg)There just isn’t any info yet. We have to decide because other agencies are also making calls. The need is urgent to get these kids somewhere safe.
Do we say yes or no? If we say no and don’t take the kids, we risk having our agency not call us, moving on to the next phone number. Can you imagine the conversation, "Sorry Bill, but Bob and I are going to the movies this weekend and kids won’t fit in. Could we make it next weekend instead?"
If we say yes, we have to live day to day and trust that somehow we are part of the solution and not part of the problem. We have to take the risk.
On Halloween night we got a call. Bob and I were in costume. I had a big black wig and tight black dress, fishnet stocking and high heels. Bob was in ghoul face, also in black. There are two kids at Target, and Mom is being arrested. She had filled her shopping cart and put the kids on top of the goods and walked right out of the store. They stopped her as she was loading up her car. Mom doesn’t speak English. The police don’t have names for the Mom or kids, or even a correct age on the baby. The second boy looks to be about two. There were huge communication problems and no one knew what was going on. We get the call. Can we come right now? The kids need a safe place, come get them out of this chaos.
We show up at Target in our Halloween regalia. Mom is hysterical. It is late, after ten and the kids are both crying. They are hungry and tired. Police are paging a bilingual caseworker.
The baby is young. He looks very young. I find out later he is three days old. I pick up the baby and smile at Mom. I rub her shoulders and stare into her eyes. She can’t be more than eighteen years old. She must be scared. I talk directly to her, into her eyes. She doesn’t understand English, but I know she understands me. "I will love your babies." I tell her. "For the night, a day, a week, a month, however long I have them, I will love them." Mom nods and we leave. We keep the two babies over the weekend until they locate Dad.
Is it worth it? Yes, how could we say no?
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