How to Rebuild the Honesty
*
"WHO ELSE WANTS TO GET THEIR
LYING SPOUSE TO TELL THE TRUTH"
"HERE'S HOW ERIC AND DEBORAH REBUILT THE HONESTY IN THEIR MARRIAGE
AFTER YEARS OF CONSTANT LYING AND DECEIT"
Friday 7:03 am ET
BALTIMORE, MD
FRANK GUNZBURG, PHD
A few years after Eric and Deborah were married, Eric started to feel
something was profoundly wrong in their relationship, but he couldn't
quite put his finger on it. You see, Eric often got the sense that
Deborah was lying to him, but he didn't have any evidence of it. And
without evidence, he could never tell if she was really lying or if he
was just imagining things.
It usually wasn't anything major, but he felt she was constantly
lying to him about little things. After she got off the phone, he
would ask, "Who were you talking to?" and Deborah would say, "Oh it
was my mom," in a voice that didn't sound very convincing. There were
credit card bills that didn't quite make sense. And from time to time,
Deborah would call home from work to tell Eric she "had to work late,"
but he didn't believe it was true.
As months and years of this behavior went on, Eric became more and
more irritated by it. He knew Deborah was lying to him. He could sense
it. But he just couldn't put his finger on the lies themselves.
Then one day, the whole problem broke open. One afternoon, Deborah
called Eric at work to tell him she was "going to have the oil changed
in the car on the way home." Eric didn't really buy it because Deborah
almost never took care of these kinds of chores. He was usually the
one that dealt with the cars. But he accepted it nonetheless.
Instead of going home to wait for Deborah and let the problem start
eating at him again, he decided to go down to the mall and take care
of some errands he had been meaning to do.
As he drove into the parking lot, he saw Deborah's car parked there.
At first he didn't believe his eyes. He figured it was probably just a
car that looked like hers. So he doubled back to check the license
plate. It was hers.
He walked into the mall, now quite upset, and decided he would put
off the chores for another day. He went from shop to shop until he
found Deborah browsing in a store that sold soap and face creams. When
he saw her, he went up to her and asked, "What are you doing here?"
Deborah paused for a minute with a kind of startled look in her eyes,
and said, "Oh, I just ran over while I was getting the oil changed.
What are you doing here? Checking up on me?"
Eric was stunned. "Of course, I'm not checking up on you," he said.
"How would I know you were going to be here when you told me you were
going to have the oil changed? Besides, you didn't drop off the car. I
saw it outside."
"It must not have been my car," Deborah responded. "It was just the
same model. Our car is at the oil change place across the street."
Eric was outraged. "No, it's not!" he yelled in a whispered voice
through his teeth. "I checked the license plate. I know it's your car,
and I know you're lying to me, Deborah. In fact, I think you've been
lying to me for a long time. What the hell is going on here?"
People were starting to look at the two of them arguing. They were
especially giving hard looks to Eric, who most people suspected was
being verbally abusive to his wife. Eric noticed this as well and
started to feel like maybe he was the one with the problem. Maybe he
was being paranoid. He started to doubt his own feelings and
perceptions.
"Listen sweetie, I can see you're upset," said Deborah. "Let's talk
about this when we get home. I know you want to protect me, but
there's no reason to make a scene about it here in the store. And I'm
touched you were checking up on me again. There's a perfectly rational
explanation for all of this, and I'll give it to you when we're at
home."
Needless to say, every word out of Deborah's mouth made Eric more and
more irate. But he was too bewildered to be angry anymore. He started
to feel like the room was spinning. He didn't know what to believe,
and what Deborah was saying didn't even make sense. He wasn't
"checking up on her again." He had never checked up on her in the
first place. And he didn't feel protective at all. If anything, he
thought he was the one that needed protection.
But he relented because he didn't want to garner any more public
attention about the matter than necessary. So he walked out, somewhat
dejected, and went home to wait for the "perfectly rational"
explanation Deborah promised him about the incident.
When she finally came in, she did it in a self-righteous temper.
"What the hell was that about at the mall?" she yelled. "I can't
believe you would make such a scene in public. You never give me any
space. You are always trying to get in my business."
Again, Eric was more shocked than anything. But his anger overtook
him. "What the hell are YOU TALKING about!?!! I have never invaded
your privacy, but you have done nothing but lie to me for years. All
those callsI know you weren't talking to your mother every time. All
those late nights when you said you had to work. What the hell were
you doing then? And what about the credit cards? Have you ever told me
the truth!!??!?!"
Deborah looked at him with ice in her eyes, "You have no evidence of
anything. All you can do is throw around empty accusations. Why don't
you confess? It's you that has the problem."
At that point Eric didn't know what to do. So he packed a small bag
while Deborah followed him around the house screaming at him. "What do
you think you're doing? Where do you think you're going to go? You
can't have any life without me!"
When Eric came back to the house a few days later to check in and see
if they could have a conversation, he found Deborah there. It looked
like she hadn't left the house since the day they fought. When she saw
him she crumbled and confessed that she had a real problem. And that's
when they came to see me.
-------------------------
WHAT DOES IT TAKES TO REPAIR YOUR RELATIONSHIP AFTER THE HONESTY HAS
BEEN RIPPED APART BY CONSTANT LIES AND DECEIT?
Eric and Deborah didn't have a clue. As a matter of fact Eric was fed
up and ready to quit.
He didn't want to fix the marriage, he wanted it to end, but Deborah
was desperate to preserve it.
After a little patience and faith in my program, Eric started to see
changes. Changes in Deborah that made him decide to give it another
shot.
Eventually they started talking again. And this time, it was with
complete transparency (more on this later). Without feeling attached
at the hip they started to share all the little details in their
day-to-day life and actually looked forward to it.
To this day, they still have their problems, but Eric and Deborah
live a "No-Lies" marriage and now their home is safe, honest and
loving
SO HOW DID THEY WORK PAST THE DOUBT AND SUSPICION AND GET BACK TO A
HEALTHY LOVING LEVEL OF TRUST?
When you've gone through a traumatic experience like an affair, or
some other painful issue where your spouse has repeatedly lied to you,
your trust has been violated and you wonder how you can ever gain it
back.
Eric was lied to. He was shocked, horrified and felt isolated from
Deborah. He started to question whether he really knew his wife
anymore. When he came to me he was hesitant, and questioned whether or
not my advice would help them rebuild the honesty and trust.
The first thing I told him was that "restoring the honesty may not be
the easiest thing you attempt to do, but it is possible."
How do I know that?
Because for over 30 years as a Ph.D specializing in marriage and
family counseling, I've seen thousands of couples come through my door
with the same questions.
DO YOU ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:
How can I ever trust him again after he lied to me?
After someone has lied to you for so long, what steps can we take to
rebuild the honesty and trust again?
How will I know she is being honest with me?
How do I know another affair won't happen again?
Can I stop my spouse from constantly lying to me?
Why won't he stop lying?
How do I get my spouse to talk to me honestly about the affair and
all the details?
When will I know it is safe to trust him again?
Where do I learn to forgive someone who has lied to me so much and
deceived me for so long?
How do I know he's really telling me the truth and not just telling
me what I want to hear?
THESE ARE HARD QUESTIONS BUT THEY DO HAVE ANSWERS
As a matter of fact. After years of counseling and publishing three
marriage saving programs:
* HOW TO SURVIVE AN AFFAIR
* SAVING YOUR MARRIAGE
* HOW TO FORGIVE AND WORK THROUGH THE PAST
I decided to develop another program that will help you wipe the
slate clean and rebuild the honesty back into your relationship.
After several months of research and surveying, I just finished a new
step-by-step system to help any couple learn the steps to rebuild the
honesty back into their relationship. (This is the same program that
Eric and Deborah used).
PART 1: HOW TO REBUILD THE HONESTY
A STEP-BY-STEP SYSTEM FOR FREEING YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM THE LIES AND
DECEIT
You can rebuild the honesty after it's been destroyed. It just takes
the right skills and the right knowledge to be able to do it. And that
may be something you don't have right now.
_"YOU DON'T HAVE THE INFORMATION YOU NEED TO REBUILD THE HONESTY IN
YOUR RELATIONSHIP."_
Inside this 3-part program I will teach you how to rebuild the walls
of honesty and trust that form the structure of your relationship. The
key to doing this is a concept called transparency (which is a process
I will teach you inside my program).
Inside I will outline many principles, but one major principle you
will learn will be the FIVE BUILDING BLOCKS TO A TRANSPARENT
RELATIONSHIP.
_THIS INFORMATION WILL BE YOUR INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR REBUILDING YOUR
HOUSE._
Inside my new program dedicated only to rebuilding the honesty you
will learn:
* 5 factors needed for repairing a breach in trust. (And why you can
make your marriage better than ever if you follow these five
principles.)
* The single most effective way to establish trust with your partner
if you cheated.
* Why saying "I'm sorry" can be ineffective and do more harm than
good. (Instead of apologizing you must demonstrate this one thing.)
* The 7 forms of trust. (And how you can use the other six forms to
rebuild the one that was destroyed.)
* 5 ways to build a transparent relationship. (Practicing this with
your spouse will help you develop open and free communication.)
"I LEARNED HOW TO START TRUSTING MY WIFE AGAIN."
"You are a big help! You taught me how to take my wife's reassurance
at face value and quit doubting her sincerity. After doing that I
learned how to start trusting my wife again." David Woodmansee
Moore, OK
* How to motivate your partner to share everything with you without
making them feel like they are attached at the hip.
* 13 ways to reduce suspicion in your relationship. (This will come
in handy when your partner wonders who you're talking to on the
phone.)
* How to get your spouse to openly express their thoughts and
feelings with you. (This strategy will help you reinforce the good
things in your relationship and eliminate problems as they arise -
eliminating any new resentment.)
* Why feeling suspicious isn't bad or unjustified. (I'll teach you
how to quickly resolve your ill feelings and work through them with
your spouse without a huge blow up and making matters worse.)
* What to do when you start to feel that your partner is fooling
around again. (How to talk about your concerns and get clarity quickly
without yelling, screaming and fighting.)
"YOU OPENED MY EYES."
"I'm thankful for your sound advice and teaching me how to make my
relationship warm again. You opened my eyes to the destructive things
I was doing in my relationship and how I was not being fair with my
wife by putting all the shame and guilt on her." Greg Allars
Aylesbury, UK
* How to get a clean slate and start all over again. (This process
isn't easy, but it has proven effective for rebuilding trust and
keeping the relationship healthy and strong for years.)
* 3 Questions you need to answer when you've have an affair. (These
are the top 3 three questions your partner wants to know in order to
start over.)
* How to keep the lines of communication free and open without
shutting each other out. (There are 11 things that will instantly kill
your chances at redeveloping a deep emotional connection. How many of
these mistakes are you making?)
* How to move on in your relationship and reduce the probability
that another affair will happen again. (I will show you how to agree
on new boundaries that will help you both feel safe and secure without
feeling trapped, imprisoned or micro managed.)
* How to build a fence around your relationship and keep danger out.
(When trouble comes knocking, you will both know how the kick it out.)
"YOUR ADVICE CHANGED EVERYTHING."
"My husband had a problem with me calling him all the time and asking
him what he was doing. Now he knows how much it means to me to know
where he is. He even calls me more than I call him now and he had his
password changed to his voicemail where I only know it and I can check
all messages. Your advice changed everything and helped us in a
positive way rebuild our trust. Thanks a lot." Vickey Maroon
Broken Arrow, OK
In addition to my guide, part 2 of my system will be my complete
audio file. Inside this 1 hour and 35 minute interview I answer the
top questions that we're asked by over 60,000 people.
PART 2: HOW TO REPLACE THE LIES WITH TRUTH:
CLICK THE PLAY BUTTON TWICE TO LISTEN HOW YOU CAN START OVER WITH A
CLEAN SLATE.
STRENGTHENING YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH COMPLETE HONESTY
You will be able to download this mp3 file right to your computer and
burn it to a CD or immediately to your mp3 player.
Inside I reveal answers to the most burning questions about
rebuilding honesty.
In part 1 of the audio I go through each question in this order:
* When someone has repeatedly lied to you, is it possible to restore
the trust back into the relationship?
* Why can't I trust them right now?
* How is trust established?
* Why does someone need to lie?
* How long does it take to rebuild the trust?
* When will I know it's safe to trust them again and how can I know
the offense won't happen again?
* How can I stop my spouse from lying to me? Is it even possible?
* How do I get my spouse to talk with me about the offense honestly?
* How do you learn to forgive someone who has lied so much and
deceived you for so long?
* How do I rebuild my self-esteem after my spouse has tore me down
from the lying and the cheating?
* How do I rebuild the friendship we once had?
* How do I know the affair won't happen again?
* How do I know my spouse isn't still cheating on me?
* How do you rebuild trust when your spouse is still seeing the
paramour?
* How can you rebuild the trust when your spouse still has contact
with the paramour?
After we deal with each of the questions, I will show you how to
rebuild the trust by establishing with you the 7 forms of trust and
how each of these can help you overcompensate for the one form of
trust that was breached. (Knowing that there are other areas in your
relationship you are safe in will give you a lot of hope.)
Next, I will teach you how to bring total transparency into your
relationship. This may be awkward for a while, but after you get use
to it, you'll love the safety and reassurance you have. (You'll feel
like you have a new marriage).
And finally, in this audio I will give you the tools to build a fence
around your relationship and prevent any new problems from taking
over. This means learning how to walk in total honesty with every
detail in your life.
However, that's not all. Besides the complete step-by-step manual and
full audio file. My program would never be complete without a way for
you to personalize my program to your situation.
I FEEL MORE SECURE AND FEEL THAT I CAN BEGIN TO TRUST HIM AGAIN."
"Building trust has been the biggest challenge for us and at times
appeared to be impossible. The tips that you provided have been great
because it has made my spouse understand my feelings and needs better
and I feel more secure and feel that I can begin to trust him again.
Thanks!" Lylla Childress
Cary, NY
IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR SITUATION IS DIFFERENT, THEN HERE IS HOW YOU CAN
USE MY PROGRAM TO PERSONALIZE IT TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP
PART 3: LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN
HOW TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP HONEST, LOVING AND SAFE
As you know, rebuilding honesty in your relationship is never easy.
When your spouse, the person you want to love and trust most in the
world, deceives you and makes it difficult (maybe even impossible) to
trust him or her, the pain this creates in the relationship is nearly
unbearable.
Having the trust in your relationship destroyed is like having your
house torn to pieces in a disaster. Before the disaster, you probably
never even considered what went into trusting your partner; it just
happened. Now that this terrible event has torn your relationship
apart, you need to learn what it means to trust your spouse, and you
need to learn specific tools you can use to rebuild the trust that has
been damaged.
We will cover and personalize these three major areas in this
workbook, including:
* What it means to trust someone and the seven different forms of
trust.
* How to rebuild honesty through transparency.
* Ideas on building a fence around your marriage to protect it from
further damage.
This workbook is designed to support and coordinate with the audio
portion and with the written guide. While I was writing the guide,
_How to Rebuild Honesty_, I realized that there are SPECIFIC
INTERACTIVE EXERCISES YOU COULD DO TO HELP YOU GAIN GREATER
PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT IT MEANS TO TRUST YOUR SPOUSE and help you refine
the skills you acquire to rebuild the trust that was broken and
protect your marriage from future damage.
In this workbook, I will expand on each of the three areas listed
above by giving you exercises to help you identify what it means for
you to trust your spouse, as well as determine how you can rebuild
honesty in your relationship.
That's the real issue, isn't it? It isn't a matter of just learning
how to rebuild honesty on a general level. What you need to do is
learn how you will rebuild the walls of trust in your relationship.
EVERY MARRIAGE IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. WHAT YOU NEED TO DETERMINE IS
HOW YOU WILL APPLY THESE TECHNIQUES IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
This workbook is designed to help you do that. It is designed to help
you personalize the process of rebuilding the walls of trust in your
relationship.
I selected the exercises and activities you will find here to make
rebuilding trust in your relationship easier. It won't be a simple
process no matter how you cut it, but the assistance of these tools
should make the work easier to accomplish. After all, you need the
right tools if you are going to rebuild a house don't you? By the same
token, you need the right tools if you are going to rebuild trust and
honesty in your marriage.
"I LIKED THE EXERCISE TO SIT AND REALLY THINK ABOUT THE EMOTIONS THAT
YOU ARE FEELING."
"I liked the exercise to sit and really think about the emotions that
you are feeling deep down inside. I've had a tendency to bottle them
up and then just blow up over something very small. Also, one of the
emotions that I didn't expect was love. It made me realize that
despite the other feelings, I still love my husband." Lisa Gillow
Avoca, PA
HERE'S HOW YOU CAN START OVER AND
WIPE THE SLATE CLEAN
I've made my complete 3-part honesty program available online. All
the parts are instant downloads and available on my member's only web
site.
That means that right after you order, you will be given a username
and password to download all three parts.
Simply order (ONLY $39.95) by clicking the below. After your order is
authorized, you will receive an instant email with your username and
password to enter my member's only web site.
Once inside, simply download all 3 parts and begin by
STEP 1
reading my step-by-step honesty guide...
STEP 2
Listen to my complete audio file...
STEP 3
...and use the workbook to apply my principles to your relationship.
REMEMBER: This kind of information is the same information that I use
when I spend dozens of hours working with my couples
THE SAME INFORMATION I USED TO HELP ERIC AND DEBORAH RESTORE THE
HONESTY BACK INTO THEIR MARRIAGE
As a matter of fact, it took me close to 5 months to document this
entire method. A lot of time and care went into making this program
what it is.
WHY IS IT SO INEXPENSIVE?
If you were to sit in my office (my rate is $200 per hour) it would
probably take us 3 to 6 hours to work through this information. You
can do the math. That is why I put together this program and made it
affordable for anyone.
The reason why I keep it affordable is so that everybody can take
advantage of my help. I need to make a living, that is why I don't
give it away, but I feel that $39.95 is a fair value for all the
components that I offer, not to mention the opportunity for you to
build a new life.
And as always, I don't want you to feel pressured in any way. That is
why I always offer a 100% guarantee.
100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
DON'T DECIDE NOW...
GO THROUGH THE ENTIRE PROGRAM
WITH A 100% MONEY BACK GUARANTEE
If my program does not help you rebuild the honesty, if it does not
help your spouse open up to you and restore the love and safety back
into your relationship then simply send me an email or call my 800 #
and I will refund your entire purchase price
If it doesn't work for you, then I don't want you to feel obligated
to pay me. As a matter of fact. I will even let you keep all the files
(since they are download files)
I know that if you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that my program
provided the answers you were looking for, then you'd want to have it.
That's why I want you to have a chance to go through my entire program
before you decide if you want to keep it.
Now it's time to get started.
I can help you. But you've got to take the first step.
I have over 30 years of marriage counseling experience. I have helped
thousands of couples even when they thought their situation was
hopeless.
The main difference between those who survived and those who didn't
was that the successful relationships took constructive action right
away.
Remember, everything you do right now in your relationship is either
helpful or harmful. You can choose to make things better or worse.
How to Rebuild the Honesty will give you specific step-by-step
strategies you need to save your relationship and start over with a
clean slate.
I look forward to hearing from you today.
All the Best,
Dr. Frank Gunzburg
P.S. Remember, there are 5 building blocks for true transparency. If
you want to rebuild the honesty back into your relationship you need
all 5 building blocks.
P.P.S. If my program does not help you restore the honesty, then
simply return it for a full refund. That means if you give it a try,
but your spouse refuses to change, then there is nothing to lose,
simply email me and I will give you a full refund. You have nothing to
lose and everything to gain.
(c) 2010 Breakthrough Learning Institute - All Rights Reserved 800-
251-7050 or email at MEMBERS@MARRIAGESHERPA.COM
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To protect the privacy and confidentiality of individuals and
families referenced herein, the names, circumstances and certain other
content details were modified to ensure such protection.
